Community. It is said that we all need some sort of community. A community, meaning people we can turn to to offer support, guidance, advice, and have a fun time with as well. Our community can be one person, or many, but no matter the number of people, they need to be a good friend.
Friend.
Noun
- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
There are other definitions, but for the purposes of this post, we’ll stick with this one. Basically, this definition means that a friend is someone you care about and think they are someone who brings something special to your life.
What’s in a friend?
Well, depending on who you ask and what phase of life they are in, you will most definitely get differing answers on this question. Had you asked me this in high school, I would have said someone I can share fun times and secrets with, and we see each other pretty much everyday. In my 20’s I might have said, someone who I spend most of my time with, can have fun times with, can trust, is up for anything, but also understands that I have a job, too. In my 30’s, my answer may have changed to something like, someone who understands that I am married with kids now, and understands that it is not easy for me to get away, and knows how busy I am with work, but is still up to get together every once in awhile.
I recently tuned 40, (I know, where did that come from, right?!), and now my answer is much different. To me, a friend is someone with whom I connect, on an emotional level. A friend is someone who allows be to just be me, does not judge, is open and honest, can be trusted, is still always up for the fun times, but also stands strong with you in the hard times, too. I believe that a good friend opens up your mind to new possibilities, supports your growth journey, truly wants what’s best for you, can carry a conversation filled with both laughter and tears, and is always ready to throw on some good music and dance the night away, or early evening hours these days!
Cleaned Up Friendships
We’ve all been young and dumb, let’s just get that out there. We’ve all made mistakes that may have even hurt others. For me, I just want to forgive, grow, and move on to better things. Hakuna Matata, right! I say all of this because growth plays a vital role in a healthy friendship.
Some friendships last a lifetime, starting when you were tiny and in diapers, maybe spanning into very old age when you’re wearing diapers again! Those kind require the people involved to grow with one another, accepting your lifelong friend as they grow along the way. Within these types of friendships, you may sometimes grow together, or perhaps you spend some time away from one another, but reunite with a new perspective on life.
Other friendships may begin at different times in your life. This might happen in college or at work, and many of these are long-lasting because you are learning, growing, and going through challenges together.
As we get older though, we might seek out different qualities in friends, or might even choose to step away from certain friendships. This, again, goes back to growth and a cleaned up perspective on life. You may choose to step away from friends who invite drama into your life, and seek out new friends who will inspire and lift you up. Does that makes sense?
So, out with the old then?…
No… Well, not exactly.
For myself, I am now choosing to clean up my outlook on everything. On myself, friends, and life altogether. I realize that if I am choosing to clean up all of the toxic things in my home, food, routine, and daily life, then this also includes “friends” who might be toxic as well. I no longer want connections with negative or fake people, and in order for me to grow, I need to step away.
I am looking to build or continue building relationships with people who can lift me up, and in return, I do the same for them. This might mean that I meet new mama friends who want to meet up for lunch or go for a walk, or this might mean that I connect with a friend from years ago, and now we’re on the same page and can support one another…guess we’ll just have to see.
I also realize that I am blessed to have friendships where each of us has grown together, and we still have each other’s backs. For these friendships, I am forever grateful.
This one’s for the homies…
I grew up in a small town, with a graduating class of 35 (plus some other friends who left our school and graduated from others close by). Class of 2002, baby! For the most part, we were a close group of friends and we all grew up together. So, here’s to honoring those childhood friendships…
Just a week ago I attended a funeral for one of my childhood friends, one of our graduating 35. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in quite sometime, but that didn’t matter. His death took me back to our youth, when times were worry free and easy going. So many memories came flooding out, and even more so when a bunch of us gathered to say goodbye and spend some time together afterwards. That connection, that sense of community, the understanding that all of us were affected by our friend’s death, that we all missed him, and were coming together once again was special. You see, these old friends, many of whom I haven’t seen in years, are people that I share memories with. We’ve laughed together and cried together – we’ve now lost four of our classmates. These old friends and I, well, we have grown and have gone our separate ways, but we are still friends. Our childhood, our culture, our small town – where we came from connects us, and I cherish those friendships. 
That’s what friends are for…
Every friendship is different, and for good reason. Different friends or types of friends bring something unique to our lives, just like we do for them.
For myself, I am now inviting peaceful, encouraging friendships into my life. I am also being intentional about positive ways that I can contribute to each of my friend’s lives.
Think about the different friendships in your life…
You and your spouse share a special friendship. How can you spark love and energy into this one?
You may be at a point in your life where you are now “friends” with your parents. If this is the case, how do you add value to this unique friendship?
Remember to do your part, friendship is a two-way street.
Do you need to call, text, or email a friend that you haven’t talked to in awhile? If so, don’t wait. You never know what tomorrow brings.
This post is written in dedication to the friends we’ve lost. We will always remember and treasure each of you and the friendships we shared.
Such a beautiful and touching article. I feel like I have taken my friends for granted and after losing our dear friend I need to love harder and be better at reaching out.
Hey lady, thank you so much for taking the time to read this article. My hope is that it helps us all to be a little bit for thankful for who we have in our lives.