It has been about a year and a half since I left my full-time career as a Funeral Director, and although I know this was the right decision for me, I still struggle with the question of who am I now?
Dive into this article with me as I discuss my journey in discovering my true identity and what led me to where I am now.
How did I get here?
Well, here’s the deal… I absolutely loved, and still do, being a Funeral Director. It has been all that I have known since the age of 15. Sure, I worked a couple of retail and child care jobs over the years, but ultimately, the Funeral Profession is where I wanted to be. I have a deep love and respect for caring for the dead and the family members left behind.
Right out of Mortuary Science school I began working at a family owned funeral home, and loved it from the get go! I worked hard, jumping in to help wherever and whenever I could. In the days before a husband and kids, I had all of the time in the world, so I gave it all to my work, and I loved it. I remember a day, very early in my career, when a more seasoned Funeral Director told me that one day I would realize that funeral wasn’t my true love anymore. I remember thinking he was crazy, I thought, “How could he even say that to me?”
More than 15 years later, I would fully understand what he meant.
And then…?
I unknowingly met my husband-to-be on my very first day at the funeral home. He, too, had just started working there and right from the start, we were inseparable. We both dove head first into our work, both of us with a strong work ethic and a need to prove to ourselves that we were doing enough for the good of the team. We both advanced in our profession and promotions were earned along the way. We were married and blessed with two children. We went through some very difficult times both personally and professionally, but remained dedicated to our work. Looking back, this is probably when burnout was first starting for me.
After my brain surgery in 2019, I found it difficult to come back from that and give it my all just like I had been so used to, but eventually I got back into the swing of things and there I was again, giving all of my time to work… and so did my husband. We had the support of family who were able to help us with child care, so we dedicated more time to work. Eventually, my husband was in upper level leadership and I was honored to be a seasoned Funeral Director.
This is when I really started to feel burnout coming on strong. Cue 2020, the year of absolute madness! We worked harder and more hours than ever, and our marriage along with my mental health were paying for it. We have always had a strong marriage, but our time together was being sacrificed more often than not.
Although it was a tough move to make, to leave all that we had worked for and loved for so many years, it was time to walk away.
Movin’ on up… North, that is!
After looking into many different options, we felt that we were being called to move out-of-state, up north and begin a new life together, just our little family. This has been a wonderful choice for us, but it has come with it’s own set of challenges.
You see, we made the choice that I would work part-time, while my husband remained full-time, still, both as Funeral Directors. In reality, I work very part-time, which allows me to take care of our kids and our home. If you have not done this, let me tell you, the whole stay-at-home mom thing is the most difficult job I have ever had! It has taken me awhile to get used it, and I’m still learning how to manage all of the things!
Alone with my thoughts, oh my!
Since leaving my super busy and equally fulfilling career that I allowed to drive me to burnout, I have struggled with this question… If I am no longer a ______________________ then what am I, and WHO am I? I also struggle with the thought that because I am not bringing in the $$, then I am not worthy of _________________.
I made the mistake of allowing my career to become my identity. Anytime people would ask the question, ” So, what do you do?”, and I let them know that I was a mortician, that would often steal the conversation and I never had to go into what my hobbies were or what I liked to do in my free time! I mean, I really didn’t have hobbies or free time, so it worked out well at that time. However, now I have to dive deep into the who am I now question, and it’s a doozy!
So, who am I now?
The truth is, I’m still figuring it out. What I do know is that I am now free of layer upon layer of stress that I allowed to be placed on me, because I was a people-pleaser. If you asked me or counted on me to do something, then I was your gal! I have learned that I can still be dependable, but I do not have to over-schedule and stress myself out to accommodate the demands of others.
I now truly understand the love of Jesus Christ and better understand my relationship with Him. This has taken a HUGE weight off of me, this relationship has freed me of so much worry and doubt, the thieves of joy. I am now confident and know that through Him, I can do all things!
I am a better mother and wife, having opened my mind to healing and positivity. Our marriage has grown stronger than ever and I look forward to what new adventures our life together, with our kiddos, will bring!
I am focused on my health journey and maintaining healthy habits for our family.
I am a dreamer, a believer that good things can and will happen.
The thing to know is this… discovering your true identity can be done over and over during your lifetime. We were not meant to stay in the same place mentally, we were meant to learn and grow. You have what it takes to re-invent yourself as you evolve. You deserve to look forward to new things and work toward them. You can still love who you were or what you did and move on to a new opportunity, if you are feeling called to do so.
“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life”. – Dolly Parton
Go on now, go be great at being who you are now!
